What Makes A Widow?

I know you're already thinking, what a question!? Read on...

I have a wonderful friend, more than one actually, whose time is spent reading, reviewing, etc. She reads books, the New York Times and sends me anything of interest. It's like my own little filter!! I love it. She recently sent me a few reviews on Joyce Carol Oates' memoir, A Widow's Story. I've requested it at my library, I haven't read it, this is not a review.

By all accounts, jacket included, this was a moving saga about the desperation and strife of a woman having lost her 45-year companion. Among the reviews I was reading, came a pretty sharp remark from another reader. It stated,
"If she remarried eleven months later, she doesn't know grief!"

The blog was born.

When a person remarries soon after a death, or even a divorce... are they discrediting the previous union? Does it appear they loved the previous partner any less?

I can't decide. I am personally an 'all in' kind of girl. I couldn't breathe after my divorce, so I can't imagine being a widow. I can't imagine getting dressed, or going out or dating by any means, for a long time. I can imagine lines on my face from lying on the grass at the cemetery and having to be forcibly removed by my family and friends.

What about 45 years of companionship? Perhaps one knows that they will never replace that, that having someone else to just spend time, is ok?

Perhaps none of this applies, as she is one woman, with one story and hers is hers alone. She happened to meet someone quickly, they happened to find something in one another, something they needed.

Is there a standard of grief, of time, that applies to everyone?