Today I heard one I haven't heard before. That doesn't happen often!
My teenage daughter and I, were having a typical 'discussion.' Typical meaning trying, stressful & heated. We aren't the worst mother-daughter relationship, but we have our moments.
My daughter has a brain injury, which effects her every thought, act and decision.
She forgets easily, so things I explain to her today, she wants another explanation of tomorrow. This isn't true for every single issue, but things that are especially important to her, tend to find their way back to the table.
My daughter will most likely not leave home, possibly never have gainful employment, possibly not go to college. We aren't sure of a lot of things, but I try to be realistic. I know that I myself have not yet come to terms with these things, but there's no time for that. It takes all I have to help her to even consider them.
Tonight, she was questioning me, again, about her internet and phone privileges, which have recently been tapered back quite a bit. The sad truth is, she did nothing wrong, but she lacks the judgment to protect herself against outside influences. As a parent, controlling the internet is almost impossible. She has internet on her phone, Wii, DS and laptop. It's insane.
In this conversation, in tears, she said "I need you to stop being my mom for a minute and..." She never completed the sentence, because I said. "Impossible. That will never happen." Being her mother is more a part of me, than any other part of me. It would be like removing my blood or my skin, for a minute. I tried to explain to her that every thought in my head, is processed with the mind of a mother, her mother. It's the only identity I have, I can't turn it off and on. I am so glad.
My daughter wasn't thrilled and I'm sure we will revisit the topic in general, but I hope I at least made her understand that being her mom isn't a hobby.
I used to hate repeating myself. Things used to be different. But the mom never changes. Now we have the same conversations over and over. We have a lot of rules and notes and charts and lists. She has family, friends, doctors, therapists and just one Mom. ~
I know this is going to sound so very odd but I go through so many same things with Aubrey. As she has hit the teen years with her Asperger's, ADHD, & Bi Polar it has gone to a whole new level that I don't think either her nor I were ready for. What was silly & almost cute when she was younger causes so much angst now. Her decision making is poor at best but it is like she doesn't see it & thinks we are being overly harsh. She is still so naive it hurts me to watch her in the real world & I constantly worry about her. I try & not be over protective but it is so very hard. She goes between wanting to be grown to wanting to be still treated like that little girl. I just went to get the authorization started to get her in therapy as I think now her needs are beyond even what I can do for her. It is a daily struggle with her but my love and knowing she didn't ask to be like this just keeps me going. I don't know what her future holds. We have hopes for her but they remain to be seen. But I guess if I have said it once I will never ever say it enough. Thank you my sweet & loving friend for always helping me find the strength to keep holding on!
ReplyDeleteI used to have a hard time 'needing' help. Now I take whatever they'll give her, therapists, peer counselors, etc. I don't know what she needs, so I'd rather give her kmore than less. The danger, the big world is a constant issue, but I would rather be over protective. It only takes one incident. I learned that one the hard way. Mama knows best~
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