My Daughter Asked Me To Stop Being Her Mom...

Today I heard one I haven't heard before. That doesn't happen often!

My teenage daughter and I, were having a typical 'discussion.' Typical meaning trying, stressful & heated. We aren't the worst mother-daughter relationship, but we have our moments.

My daughter has a brain injury, which effects her every thought, act and decision.
She forgets easily, so things I explain to her today, she wants another explanation of tomorrow. This isn't true for every single issue, but things that are especially important to her, tend to find their way back to the table.

My daughter will most likely not leave home, possibly never have gainful employment, possibly not go to college. We aren't sure of a lot of things, but I try to be realistic. I know that I myself have not yet come to terms with these things, but there's no time for that. It takes all I have to help her to even consider them.

Tonight, she was questioning me, again, about her internet and phone privileges, which have recently been tapered back quite a bit. The sad truth is, she did nothing wrong, but she lacks the judgment to protect herself against outside influences. As a parent, controlling the internet is almost impossible. She has internet on her phone, Wii, DS and laptop. It's insane.

In this conversation, in tears, she said "I need you to stop being my mom for a minute and..." She never completed the sentence, because I said. "Impossible. That will never happen." Being her mother is more a part of me, than any other part of me. It would be like removing my blood or my skin, for a minute. I tried to explain to her that every thought in my head, is processed with the mind of a mother, her mother. It's the only identity I have, I can't turn it off and on. I am so glad.

My daughter wasn't thrilled and I'm sure we will revisit the topic in general, but I hope I at least made her understand that being her mom isn't a hobby.

I used to hate repeating myself. Things used to be different. But the mom never changes. Now we have the same conversations over and over. We have a lot of rules and notes and charts and lists. She has family, friends, doctors, therapists and just one Mom. ~

The 'To Do' List, not just for groceries anymore...

Today I am calling attention and praise to the "To Do" list! I don't mean a few scribbles on a slip of paper, to later be discarded, lost, forgotten. You might be surprised to know that a list of things to do can benefit everyday and every task!

The list itself is more than a reminder! The completed list, with items crossed off, check marks along the side, is a badge of honor; a trophy of your accomplishments! When my day is done and I can reference that list, I know my day was not wasted. I can remind myself what I did and what I may need to do the next day.

Maybe your list will be per week, not day.
Maybe your list is full of fun, spontaneous things; not necessarily errands & tasks.
Maybe once in awhile you have no list and you do nothing. This is much easier to take when you have several lists from days gone by to justify a well deserved free day!

Start today. Using a spiral pad, make your to do list. You may want to date it, or not. At the end of your day, just turn the page, rather than throwing the list away. A fresh page awaits for a fresh day.

Months from now, these aren't just lists. They are a diary of the things you have done; a reminder of when and where things have been accomplished, complete with curious doodles and forgotten phone messages.

Ultimately, a to do list keeps me organized and on track, which means I accomplish more and therefore have more time for myself, my child and a new list, of things, to do!